Despicable Mammy.....

Well literally within hours of me saying I wanted a quieter week Oscar decided to keep things fresh and tried to choke to death, I must have looked too relaxed or something. Its always nice to know you can do the Heimlich manoeuvre but I hope I don't ever have to test it out again my heart is still fluttering. Archie has an addiction to stickers at the moment so they are literally on every surface of the house, they looked harmless enough and after being so careful around Oscar with Lego (usually keeping then in the sole of my feet -ouch) I didn't think these would be dangerous. 

Anyhow Oscar thought they would make a nice starter for his breakfast while I was making "my essential, eyes wont fully open until I get have this caffeine brew". It wasn't until 20mins later this sticker must have decided it wouldn't go down but lodge in his throat instead. After he started wheezing like an asthmatic bulldog while turning purple and the frantic back tap taps weren't working I had to rip him out his highchair, looked into his clean mouth then and did a Heimlich. I know I cant believe it either, luckily he just exploded and projectile vomited 9oz Milk, 2 Weetibix and 1 foil frigging dragon fly sticker, partially catching Archie much to his disgust; but only because he was dressed as Batman! It was honestly terrifying and I am so glad that I've done a St Johns Baby course so parents I can recommend even just knowing the basics, it happened it seconds.

I know I will be refreshing my knowledge with the following link as they say "Save a Life"
I have tried Internet food shopping this week and although I think I will use it again as I'd rather eat toenails than take the kids shopping I think I need to get used to it because I know I didn't need breast pads (like ever again), 5 bags of dishwasher salt and I wanted actual Bananas not the borrowers bunch; seriously these look like a baby's hand and are dwarfed by a pepper shaker for £1 

I would also like to personally apologise in advance that the hot spell has now ended until next year due to the fact we have bought a new BBQ, the old ones bottom spectacularly fell out last week spraying chicken drum sticks on to the patio. So it was time to get a new one however the husband thinks it a good investment to go from a small rusty charcoal one to a gas one that is bigger than our oven...burger anyone?
Like baby fingers!

Arch is at home at B and Q

Bigger than the kitchen!

To be honest one of the only reasons I had kids was to have an excuse to see lush kids films, so me and Archie had a lovely morning to ourselves and went to see Despicable Me 2, naturally we had ice cream with popcorn for lunch and the film was really funny. However the cinema did get my back up starting with it costing £17 just for the 2 tickets, I don't even want to get into the prices of the ket but 50ps are cheaper than pear drops. The main thing though that annoyed me is the assigned seating because apart from me has anyone EVER sat in these seats? There is always someone arguing with someone else over the seats and I don't get why when its quiet they still seat people right next to each other, everyone knows a minimum of one seat distance from a stranger is required! Its right awkward to sit down wait for the film and then move along....you might as well lean over and say "you smell like the inside of a mouldy Tupperware box so I'm just bunking over". This brings me onto my next point which is IF they insist on assigned seating, there needs to be a section for rude, noisy and or weird people and think it will be much better.

The last 2 times I have been I'm dumped next to nightmares. Trip one, was a man I'm sure was made of pure play dough and smelled like it, he troughed into his popcorn most of the film like there was gold at the bottom, then swapped to his £60 pick and mix which he saved time on by tipping it directly into his mouth and I swear we heard whole wine gums hitting his throat. At one point I thought he had fallen asleep but snore-breathe was just his normal none eating state. Trip two was yesterday, behind us there was two Mams with 5 kids between them ignoring the kids while they constantly kicked the back of our chairs and went to the toilet 18 times, it was the last straw though when I felt a sticky little hand go into my fresh blow dry and pull a clump. However upon politely turning to say could she stop her 2yr old giving me bald patchs and a heart attack combo I realised they were about 12 and on their phones anyway. They then continued to talk the rest of the film, me and Archie now know when her baby Daddy will be out of prison, what he's like in the sheets oh and she doesn't like corn beef.....I'm just gonna forward this to the Odeon its easier!

The Brothers Grim snack time...only time it is quiet.

Although busy it has been a really nice week particularly enjoying a fab hen doo last night...OK maybe a bit too much. After Cherry Sour shots from the bride to be I was then introduced to a cocktail called No5, Sailor Jerry's, Vanilla Schnapps and Ginger ale =yummy = hung-over mummy...I will never learn. Been wishing it was bedtime since I got up at 7am!

 Obscene but funny Cupcakes!

Its all funny.......until caught!

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