6.30.2013

"Its been emotional"....


This week has been so strange and frankly a bit of a rollercoaster ride. It started off hectic enough as per with the Brothers Grim and I have been exceptionally grumpy due to lack of sleep after Oscar had his MMR. He has been terrible since, crying for fun but then this morning his cot was like a paddling pool of vomit and he hadn't even made a peep *guilty*. Can I also ask why is it when I spray my Chanel perfume it last for a few seconds but if someone barfs on the carpet its smells for a year?! After getting back into Twitter - @AshlieDunn - it took just a few days and I have already had to stop following Rihanna, seriously cant take another weird pic or a "phuck" ...what is that? You have a tattoo of a loaded gun just say F*ck if that's what you mean. I thought we might have a repeat of "Toon Flood" again if the rain had kept up. I would also like to say you couldn't pay me to be at Glasto with the sea of drunk scruffs, 3 days with only a pack of baby wipes for company watching Saga holidays finest "The Stones" ;they were dancing like they had fibreglass clothes on or crabs....I told you, I need to up my sleep and sugar.
 
 Puddle Ducks

 
Introduced to a classic.
 
 
Barf line even Parker the Duck!

 
 

Anyway if you managed to read my blog "My Daddy Cool" you will know that it was also my Dads anniversary on Tuesday. Now this isn't something I have ever... EVER shared with anyone even my husband, I might have occasionally said I cant believe its been X amount of years but apart from that its business as usual. I have always found the "Anniversary" (aka one of the worst days of our lives) a strange concept to mark, as is his birthday, its not like I need to get him a present.... Visiting his grave is another weird one, I actually only live a 2min walk away but I cant remember the last time I was there and certainly have never taken anyone there. I don't mean to mock other peoples way with grief its just not for me, I honestly believe my Dad is with me all the time and I think of him everyday so I don't need to.

However on Tuesday I just couldn't sleep so I got up and rattled off my little Memoir to Dad, I honestly wasn't even going to post it out of respect to my other family in case they found it upsetting but its been 17yrs, I wanted to celebrate him and let some air into the feelings that I normally...well eat, nice and deep back down...I know some people are nodding... So I just post it. 

Then the most amazing things started to happen, people and complete strangers started to share it, started to share lovely comments, started messaging and started texting. Now me, my step mum Caroline and my brother Phil have an incredibly close relationship for obvious reasons but this is still a hard subject for us to all discuss, we like to talk about Dad...but not too much, me especially. However my brother sent the following text to me (with his permission to share) baring in mind we have never marked his anniversary.
 
"Ash that blog about Dad is AMAZING!!! Thinking of you as I do on this day every year. Love you xxx"
 
Then my step mum who's not the most technically gifted emailed all our distant family and left me a voicemail (I can never get my phone out of my bag in time!) to say "How lovely it was and it made her cry in a good way". One of the most amazing messages was from a Scottish man, I have never met him but he somehow saw the blog, He knew Dad and fished with him before. I am honestly overwhelmed by all the loveliness, I have shared everything with my brother and (my Dads beloved wife) Caroline, as I said on Facebook for the first time in 17yrs it has felt like a celebration. We all appreciate it so much, Dad really was an incredible man, I'm glad more people know it and he now has his own little spot on the net.
 
Thanks again
 
Ash x

 
This poem sums it up for me.
  
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

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