Just a short blog that I cant take any credit for but I had to share these two hysterical things I have stumbled across as I always love a good laugh.
If I explain that the first one, this exact thing happened to us with our nightmare of a neighbour last year, with Chris doing the exact same thing...all I will say is it ended with a screaming match on the drive which randomly involved a ghetto blaster (his not ours...he's 65) and the light has been dimmed but we haven't spoke a word in 16mths. So after reading this you will laugh your head off but see why me and Chris were literally crying and rolling around. Enjoy.
From: Justin Flecker
Date: Sunday 6 May 2012 6.52pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Lamp
I received your note but you cant go onto other peoples property and take things, that's trespassing. Massanutten is a wooded area and I installed that light for security. It's a safety issue. I can't help it if some of the light goes across the road, close your curtains if it bothers you.
Date: Sunday 6 May 2012 7.41pm
To: Justin Flecker
Subject: Re: Lamp
Hello Justin,
Date: Monday 7 May 2012 2.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Lamp
Is that meant to be a threat? Put something up in your window if you don't like the light, we lived here 5 years before you even moved into the neighborhood and got along perfectly with Ryan who lived at your property before you. We went to his BBQ's and I loaned him our mower. We get along with all our neighbors. I dont know what you people do in your own country but in this country we dont go onto other peoples property and touch their stuff.
Date: Monday 7 May 2012 3.37pm
To: Justin Flecker
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Lamp
Dear Justin,
Date: Tuesday 8 May 2012 10.01am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Lamp
Did you take our lamp again asshole? What part about not being allowed to go on our property don't you get?
Date: Tuesday 8 May 2012 10.32am
To: Justin Flecker
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Lamp
Dear Justin,
2. Look in the letterbox.
Date: Tuesday 8 May 2012 11.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Lamp
I put a smaller lamp in so you can shut the fuck up now. Don't email me again and if you ever trespass on our property again I will press charges.
Date: Tuesday 8 2012 12.02pm
To: Justin Flecker
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Lamp
Dear Justin,
Date: Tuesday 8 May 2012 12.18pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Lamp
No it's not ok.
Date: Tuesday 8 May 2012 12.27pm
To: Justin Flecker
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Lamp
Dear Justin,
Date: Tuesday 8 May 2012 3.26pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Lamp
Fuck off back to Austria.
David Thorne sir, take a bow Im hunting you down we need to be friends!
Now the second one explains itself.....HILARIOUS!
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it carefully in laundry hamper according to 'lights' and 'darks'. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts etc. ...Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit and mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until totally red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and Jaffa Cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake your knob at her making a 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your knob and then scratch your arse. Get in the shower. Wash your face then wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot off. Fart loudly and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing knob and bollocks. Wash your arse whilst leaving plenty of pubes stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a shampoo 'Mohawk'. Have a piss. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice the water on floor because the shower curtain was hanging out of cubicle the whole time. Admire your knob size in mirror again. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass the wife, pull off towel, shake your knob at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed. The End.
Take off clothing and place it carefully in laundry hamper according to 'lights' and 'darks'. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts etc. ...Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit and mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until totally red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and Jaffa Cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake your knob at her making a 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your knob and then scratch your arse. Get in the shower. Wash your face then wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot off. Fart loudly and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing knob and bollocks. Wash your arse whilst leaving plenty of pubes stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a shampoo 'Mohawk'. Have a piss. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice the water on floor because the shower curtain was hanging out of cubicle the whole time. Admire your knob size in mirror again. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass the wife, pull off towel, shake your knob at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed. The End.
Ash xox
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