Why are men and women so different at being poorly and being caregivers?!
I have been telling anyone who will listen as I'm certain sympathy is going to be the only cure for me but in case you haven't heard I have put my back out this week. I am currently sitting on the stiffest chair available with a cushion propping me up trying to be as comfortable as I can be, considering it feels like I have a hot poker up my bum. I have had the occasional bad back when I must have twisted funny (dragged my toddler around on my hip to avoid him having another near death experience) but this time I haven't done anything and I'm going to compare the (5day) pain on par with child birth. Apart from being so painful the worse part is, I am actually not allowed to be ill.
Now no one likes being ill, but gone are the days of being a child allowed to bring your duvet down to the sofa, watching TV, being fed toast and Lucozade, hell gone are the days of even being allowed to help a brain splitting cold with a few hours peace never mind sleep...with two kids under 4 its simply not allowed. I would like to blame this all on the kids but the husband is probably the worst. Illness is a big inconvenience for him...not his, MINE. He is the most unsympathetic person I have ever met when I'm poorly, his favourite line is "You want to watch that...it might turn to nothing!". I'm met with rolling eyes if I request a cup of tea and some pain killers. However if he is ill...call a priest, I have seen me have a nasty cold then pass it onto him but somewhere along the way its turned to Sars.
On this occasion I have to say he has been OK, maybe its years of being "trained" or me screaming and crying all at once when I tried to get out of bed yesterday that prompted him but he has stepped up to the plate by dropped Archie off at nursery, working part the day at home (I physically cant lift Oscar) and getting everything on "my list" instead of laughing and then forgetting most of it. He's still no Florence Nightingale though, asking me several times "when exactly I think I will be better?"....um I'm going to have a word with my spine tomorrow and ask it to suck it up as this is a bit annoying for you and at the very latest Saturday as your planning a Golf game?! That is another thing I resent the feeling that he thinks I'm putting it on, according to him he has had a bad back like this loads but I haven't noticed as he just gets on"....No I have never noticed your legs not physically working, lucky for us you can just get on. If he ever says "Come here, we do this at rugby"...I hobble away as fast as I can.
I have had two children with no pain relief, I have passed a kidney stone and didn't know I had broken my wrist for a week as "just got on"...I would say I have quite a high pain thresh hold. I don't think I even get ill that often but I have been brought up in a house, where Sympathy and Kindness were in our human emotion spectre, if your ill your taken care off, every whim is your desire and in turn your a caregiver; In fact I know my GG "would jump off a house breaking both her legs just to not see me in pain"...she has told me so several times. So I'm not accustomed to this insensitivity, to the point now where I hope the husband gets ill just so I can be awful to him and show him what its like. Of course I never am, waiting on him, taking him to hospital after falling off his bike for the 3rd time in 2mths without a word of complaint and my proudest moment, on one New Years Eve sitting in bed with him at 9pm in a posh hotel room we had booked nursing his Flu (cold). Y'all know if the shoe was on the other foot I would have been coughing on my own while he was downstairs singing Auld Lang Syne with our friends..."No point us both missing out Babe".
I had started to just ignore him if I was ill, starting a "you sort yourself out treaty" and kept a supply of drugs by the bed but now the kids have come along that's null and void, I cant take a day off from them so now need him again #shit. I fear there is no hope though because even when I'm proven to be seriously ill it makes no difference. One of the three times I have been ill this year, I had really bad Tonsillitis ,the type even your hair hurts, on night two I had a temp of 40C and woke up experiencing what I thought was a heart attack, bearing in mind that my Dad died of a Heart Attack at 46. Anyway to cut a long story short after not participating in the husbands suggestion of doing 10 press ups to confirm if I was actually having a heart attack, I called NHS direct who sent me to hospital and obviously I wasn't but they confirmed the infection had got to my heart muscles and why I was experiencing so much chest pain, so I was given strong antibiotics to sort it out, but the husband still actually asked the Dr "When I would be better?" and because I didn't have an actual heart attack "I had hammed that up a bit". In contrast my Bestie turned up later that day (the husband had gone back to work) with a care package of all sorts including soup, fresh bread and chocolate: Heaven.
I wouldn't mind if he actually just wanted me better because he hates to see me like this but its not its so he can be relieved of his new duties. He walks around me surveying for signs of improvement "oh your voice is coming back!!" if there is nothing he will use time as a guide "Well its been 3 days you must be nearly better now?" After just one day of Daddy Daycare the house looked like a plague of Rock stars had been here, the husband did realise what its like though, I have never seen someone more happy when the kids went to bed and he said "You need to get better soon this place is a dump"...love you too boo. I know he's not the only one, several of my friends have commented on the same of their partners, labour story's particularly bring out the best in males, but why are they like this don't they realise when its their turn, don't expect as much as a tissue never mind a Lemsip? I will continue my "Sensitivity Training" and in the mean time just pray I don't get anything serious...I'd be expected to walk off broken pelvis.
Daddy Daycare ice-cream and TV.
He did deliver and knows me well not 1 but 2 Toblerones.
Second attempt to cook in our marriage...oh it eggs if you didn't know.
Cried when my friend sent me this picture to cheer me up.