One of my friends sent me one of those Buzz feed links with pictures of kids who have been bad, you know felt tip on the couch etc....utterly hilarious unless its your couch! The reason my friend sent this to me is because both my boys have a reputation for being...well crackers. The things that go through their heads as good ideas are truly terrifying and I am honestly going mad keeping up with them. No cupboard lock in the world can stop the little one and the big one is tall enough to open anything he wants now.
On this particular day we had just had quite a few tonnes of fresh (expensive) concrete poured into our new extension that needed 3 days good weather to dry if we were lucky. However the boys thought that while we were looking at the plans for 5mins they would breach the fence (especially build to keep them out) turn on the hose (already forbidden) and put it into the foundations and flood the concrete....que the husband out until dark with a bucket trying scoop all the water out and not get set in concrete at the same time. I actually broke down and cried because if you don't have 2 eyeballs on these boys at all times they will see the weakness and do something terrible.
She sent the link to cheer me up but in fact I thought, "THIS link is an accumulation of the worst kids in the whole of Britain. I can make one of these a week with the things my boys get up to...mainly Oscar who needs more security than Hannibal Lecter!" I was telling my brother about how crazy they are and he said (please note no children of his own) "Well you should watch them all the time!" After laughing for quite a bit...isn't it lush getting advice off people who don't even have kids or your kids for that matter, like Gina Ford...she can control cry herself off a cliff as well. I then replied "You cant keep both your eyes even on the end of your nose all the time"
The following things all happen not because I'm Internet shopping and eating chocolates (popular belief of any mother at home)but when I am tending to the other child, you know one minute you're stuck to the spot breast feeding and then other child decides to cut his own hair or you innocently answer the door, put the bin out or god forbid go for a wee. Not thinking they will abandon the quiet task they are doing instantly and go looking for danger. I'm not neglectful...just stupid sometimes, not emptying every draw/cupboard and locking all the doors in the house before I take in the food shopping for example.
So the challenge was set and here it is.
Ever felt like your kids are being tinkers...feel better!
Spa bag all packed, zipped up ready to go with some choccys....
Contact lenses got posted through the door while I was having a wee.
Up for 5minutes.....
Archie go and put some socks on for 100th time......#cleverclogs
Just weight lifting the furniture age 3 there.
Biting a dog....
Guess we will be buying that sticker book then.
Dont like that breakfast...or that bare wall.
Still refused to walk at this point though.
Cost of a shower.
Found his twin!
Don't turn your back on the shopping ever. 1 bag of caster sugar and sprinkles...both licking it off the carpet.
The worst thing is a lot of the most horrific situations don't have pictures because they were imminently life threatening or I was too gob smacked to get photographic evidence. Like the time:
- Oscar punched the flat screen TV in Texas so it came flying off the stand, burst into sparks never to work again along with the DVD player and our brand new apple TV box.
- Archie aged 2 climbed over our 8ft fence and the neighbour had to bring him back.
- Oscar last week was happily playing with a pirate ship so I put the bin out, 3mins later he had covered himself in extra strength hair removal creme TOP shelf in locked cupboard.
Look how cool talc is...everywhere.
Sat and just ate butter....even see the face marks.
Only 8mths here and ready to kill Archie if he didn't give him some ice cream.
Never changed this is what happens when he cant have some now.
Went into my bag for 1 plaster....
When we have waited in a shop for more than a minute...
Woke up at 5am to find them both eating my secret stash of sweets out my bed draw!...Oscar had a go at my Kindle as well. #guilty
Foaming at the mouth after finding Dads Electrolyte tablets last.thing. this child needs is energy.
This is where Chubby sticks at £17 a pop go to die.
People think I'm crazy or doing an ebay stint but its the only way to keep my stuff safe.
Actually frightens me how disgusting and messy he can be...
Hair WAS down to his eyebrows....#diy y? y? y?
Don't turn your back on the shopping ever.
Just helping himself in Thortons...
Only 1 broken arm being a lunatic in the park.
I used to be living the dream with a lovely 'Craft Draw'...
Archie went into it and Oscar covered him self in black paint and ate the rest.
Went in the shower for 2mins and they were eating their full packed lunch ready for nursery!
Don't turn your back on the shopping EV.ER.
Absolute favourite thing in the world....
What else do you do when the garden floods?
Casually putting a dog in a head lock...
Thinks we are not looking...washed out and juice in though mwah ha!
Was my baking cupboard and worth
watching him eating cinnamon!
Waaaay past weaning stage but....
Just 1 biscuit...
Just yesterday changing Oscars bum and Archie is up a ladder.
Hope you enjoyed that little slice of my crazy life with 2 boys under 5, sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry.
Please tell me which is your favourite or even better share your own story's below.