I couldn't wait for both my boys to start school/nursery they both were mega ready and love it now, but in the 15mths of doing the School Run I have discovered its truly a case of be careful what you wish for. Lately I just generally think about 40 times a day "I am sooo tired" but the more I think about it here is probably why.....
EVERYMORNING I am awoken by a sticky hand in my hair and a "Mammyyy..."
*Jesus Christ what on EARTH is the time*...barley opening my eyes I can see its still dark.
*Lord have mercy someone just let me bloody sleep past 6am...just once in the next year*
Thing 2: "It time get urrrp?"
Quick glance at my phone to see its 5:32am.... *Is this child for real? Plus I realise for the 1000th time he has breached his baby gate again....only there to save him from mortal danger and sneaking down stairs to eat 2 packets of biscuits while I selfishly sleep. Note to self Get rid of that gate...maybe.
"No babe come snuggle in"
*No wayyy he is gona just snuggle in and go back off for another hour before its actually "time get urrrp". Adverts...and the whole flipping world are liars do ANY kids not just pretend they will, then climb all over your head, practise wrestling moves, ask to play on your phone, pull your hair and ask every minute "IT time now Mammy?"
*Uhghh wrestling moves are not that quiet, Thing 1 is up now too. Absolutely noo chance of another few minutes in bed...or a wee in peace..or just get my glasses and dressing gown on.* When I was living in America 'Texas Moms' be quite religious and have this thing called 'Morning Glory' ...lets not dwell on the name, which means setting your alarm and getting up even just 30mins before the kids...bare with me I know its actually insane sacrificing ANY more sleep. However its SO you can have a few minutes peace, pray...naturally. I will use that time eating chocolate as thus far praying has been useless (see above and sleeping to 6am) have a hot shower without being terrified every second something awful will happen or being convinced you can hear a baby crying...even though its impossible; I think I will still hear a phantom baby crying when I'm retired. Sounds great in theory though. Note to self - Email Texas friend, also called Ashley and tell her what a pile of crap. I would have to set my alarm for 4am...and then be a Ninja to do anything cos past experience has shown if I even put a foot on the floor to go for a wee the whole house will magically wake up.
At this point getting out of bed is like rolling into a patch of nettles. Out I roll though and have an 11 different questions fired at me, 8 of these are from my 3rd child the Alpha Male and mostly consist of where have I hidden (tidied) a host of his items. Hes skipping of to work though before we have even breached the trench's downstairs so that's one thing off my plate. I'm now like a woman on a mission to get to the kettle, if I don't have caffeine it wont be pretty for anyone and think its only fair that no ones speaks to me until I do but males don't get this concept.
The next hour is a blur of spilt milk, the "wrong" breakfast, crying (me a bit), picking up soggy cheerios... from most surfaces, unloading the dishwasher....why is it always full?! and tantrums over ...anything. It feels like someone has clicked their fingers though and the clock has jumped to 8am but I feel like I've already done a days work and my tummy is agreeing by craving lunch food already. Christ I should have taken my shower by now but there hasn't been a 'safe' minute yet and by this I mean a time the boys have been calmer than a box of frogs on coke, so I can sneak off for 10 minutes...I know the luxury and have a wash without something horrible happening.
List of horrible things that have happened:
- i pad smashed.
- TV pulled off the stand and smashed.
- Apple box exploded from juice being poured on it.
- 4 Easter eggs demolished
- Permanent marker all over a set of draws
- Constant abuse of my locked cake cupboard.
- Countless times my handbag has been raided.
- i pad 2 smashed.
- Thing 1 managed to unlock the front door so Thing 2 was standing in the front street...naked.
- Dvd player broken from having toast rammed into it.
- Hand made hand print mug age 7mths ....guessed it! smashed.
- Curtain being used as a Tarzan rope and ripping off.
- Biro on several surfaces and wall paper.
- Several pages of my passport being ripped out.
Sometimes I make the mistake of relaying the morning with a person that doesn't have children like my brother. Trust me I've heard it all before. How did he get the i pad....I don't know either?! Do you think I want any of this ha ha? Also did you miss for those 3 minutes I.was.in.the showerrrrrr! So as you can see keeping my hygiene levels up comes with some fear, but it has to be done, Just praise Jesus no one gets hurt and it doesn't cost us any money. Now I know If I can just get them to Nursery/School I can have 2hrs of housework... in silence but it's harder than it appears. Somehow we have all managed to get dressed, finding matching shoes, REALLY this is a big bonus. The little ones socks are off again though and the big one has decided his new Coat isn't cool anymore and will no longer be wearing it.
Did we have homework?...wait I think we did the homework.
Oh god What about the other homework?!
After a quick look in the book bag, we have done all the homework but I've discovered 3 party invites definitely weren't there last night...and I wouldn't be surprised if I find a coat rack and a sink in the bottom of this thing one day.
"Can we ALL please just get in the car." NO ONE can sit in the front or we will need the UN to negotiate later.
Water bottles....CHRIST is it non uniform today?!
Oh sod it When is it half term??!!