Labour Story #Archie

Well today it is Archie's 4th birthday and I literally cant believe it, where has that gone?! I know its only his 4th birthday but this feels massive to me. The first one birthday you're just glad you have all survived, the second one you wish you could just skip altogether (terrible twos anyone?) and the third they are still babies really but this...he is a proper little boy now and don't I know it, Mr Independent saying things like 

"Well that's just charming Mam!".

I might be in danger of going totally grey but it feels like just yesterday that I wasn't having so much fun on this exact day. Now at the time Archie was born, my friend who lives down south and was due quite close to me asked for a blow by blow account via email of the "Big Launch" so she would know what to expect in a few weeks time. I sent her a short email with "this happened, then he was born" but she sent one back with a million questions and begged for the nitty gritty so that's exactly what she got!

Now this was written just two weeks after birth when things truthfully are smarting a tad... I still laugh my head off at this though because I had been under the impression I had a high pain thresh hold, but it turns out... not so much and I'm also a massive whinge. I'm really pleased I did this though because I literally cant remember much of it, that's the trick Mother Nature plays on you mind, so then you will have more!!! ... without further ado I will share the day Archie arrived.


I have tried to dull it down but YOU want it warts and all so here you go chick!

It started on Tuesday with a shopping trip to get a big "Food Shop" tomorrow being my due date there was no way I was going to actually go into labour right? I felt like crap all the way round and seriously considered ditching my trolley full of food, but I had ran out of bleach obviously with all the nesting, so I persevered and paid. Later after my tea (Beef Stew with dumplings plenty mustard if your'e interested) I felt like I had cramp and a few twinges so I decided to demolish a Snickers (I know nuts how naughty) for medicinal purposes naturally and have a bath but they were getting more regular pains now and then I had a little "show" ...FYI this word now makes me feel physically sick. I was fine but Chris looked panicked and made me call the MWLU at 10pm to check and they said it sounded like the start but with it being my first…yada yada don't come in yet basically. I went to bed quite happy, I woke up at 3am and the pains were gone, champion Afternoon Tea with GG tomorrow would go ahead. I then went back to sleep and woke up around 7am NOT happy, the pains were back. Now when I say pains they weren't like a stitch or cramp it was like a weird tooth ache inside my stomach and back, coming and going so I didn't really know what to do with myself as there wasn't really anywhere to hold or rub?!
Sounds funny but looking back I still thought it could have been a sick joke false labour. I made some crumpets and managed one bite and felt the most queasy I ever have without actually being sick. Once I spat that out, I decided to try and relax by watching a film, "Hitch" was picked which I used to love but literally couldn't even concentrate on it and don't think I will ever watch it again because of the bad memory's. At 9am the pains picked up pace so I put on my tens machine and a scalding hot water bottle which did really help and I decided to cancel "Afternoon Tea", so Chris called them whilst also intently staring at my face as if confirming I was indeed in labour and in enough pain to cancel! My Grandma burst into tears and when I took the phone of Chris I could only hear high pitched squeaking until my Granddad picked it up and said in his most serious voice said "Your Grandmas hysterical but fine, good luck!" I then called my Mam and it was the same with all the crying so we just gave up calling people at this point. 

10am: I was making prehistoric noises now, literally no clue where that sound came from, so the husband called MWLU again and the same DON'T COME IN YET even though my pains/contractions were 4mins apart. So I stopped rolling around the living room floor crying and I TOLD CHRIS we were going to hospital right now no matter what; luckily for him he disappeared, fed the dog and got the car packed up. However for the first time in 25yrs naturally the council had decided to resurface our street, which they promised would have been finished the week before but no, so instead of a quick exit into the car on the drive (to avoid all our retired neighbour's who have been watching our house for weeks, for any signs of the big launch day) Chris had to take me through the house, the garden, out the back and down the street which sounds stupid but it was horrible because I could barley walk at this point and its now part of my bloody labour story! To be fair if any neighbour's,  paparazzi or aliens saw me waddling down, looking and sounding like a T Rex I didn't notice them at all...strange that.

Arrived at MWLU and left my dignity in the car. I then had a massive contraction in the middle of the road which stopped the traffic as couldn't move….nice! Met a really grumpy midwife who insisted I couldn't be far gone, with it being my first baby, she might send me home as it was busy. Thank the lord though there was a bathroom free so she gave me two paracetamol...I cant tell you how much this took the edge off...not. Then she let me go in the bath for an hour, this ended up being one of the worst experience of my life, the bath would have been small for a dwarf but for me..I couldn't get my bump or my legs covered not to mention the water was at best warm so I decided to get out and have a wee, but it wasn't fun enough so I was also sick into one of those revolting cardboard bowls at the same time. Not going to lie at this point I'm not thinking this is a magical experience. 

By 12.30pm a delivery suite had become free so Witchy Poo agreed to let me go in there for a bit, it took about 25mins to walk 3 rooms away as the pain was mind numbing and it felt I had a bowling ball in my bladder. She still wouldn't examine me though and insisted I couldn't be far gone, in fairness to her when she came back I was really trying to lock down the Dinosaur noises. According to her "I didn't look in that much pain and it would feel like a really bad leg cramp"…at which point my head did a 360 and I growled, "If you chop my leg off it would take my mind off THIS pain!" she had obviously had this sort of abuse before because she just smiled said she would check on us in a few, "Why didn't I have a bounce on the ball?!".....

2.30pm: I really was thinking I might be dying now and I just wanted to lie down and get on with it, obviously expressing this to the husband a lot, but Misery said I should walk around as I would be lucky if this baby was born today. I was getting hot so she told the husband to go and get the fan from the car but not my bags as I still might be going home, so he trotted off bless him thinking she knew better than me. The midwife went to get her notes and...a sandwich for Chris?! So I was on my own and glad as I leap off the sodding ball, back onto my death bed and just started pushing. When the husband got back in 15mins, he took one look at me and said "You better get off and start walking around because I am NOT going home with you like this!" We had done a fab antenatal class in prep and according to him, this wasn't following our strict plan...soz for that. At that exact moment as if to prove my point I burst my own waters through pushing and poor Chris nearly died and started madly pushing the bleeper. The MW came back in with a tea tray for Chris and said are you sure you haven't wet yourself?! She started wittering on about how it was a busy day and she still might have to send me home whilst taking off my pants, oh yeah I'm still fully clothed. Revealing that I had actually broke my water and could maybe telling the truth.

At this point another fantastic MW called Karen came in and thank the lord said she was swapping shift with witchy poo. Who ate some humble pie and said it seems I had proved her wrong and would be having the baby shortly beating her estimation by 24hrs, before she disappeared for good....on her broom (everyone is right a good/nice midwife makes the world of difference...I think they might be angels) Karen took one look at me and said "WOW I can see a head and I was ready to push" I felt too naughty to tell her I already had a few times now. After putting Chris in a head lock while I got down to business and being asked did I want to feel the head which was met with "Hell no!" I had my little man 15mins later 7lb 10oz at 3.24pm and he was put straight on my chest....to think she had tried to send me home! Like a really drunk fog everything just cleared I came back to reality, the pain was all gone and it truly was the best moment of my life. So 5hrs proper labour start to finish and not a jot of pain relief…don't get me wrong I'm not bragging IN THE LEAST I would have took some proper A class stuff 5mins in but she wouldn't even give me gas and air as "I would get sick if I started on it too soon..." 

It was totally amazing and of course worth it I'm just not sure I will again, especially when I think of the head coming out, now I know what that song is about "Burn Baby Burn" Good Luck and may the odds be ever in your favour Xx

Ha ha told you! My poor friend ended up having a 40hr hell labour and was actually really glad I prepped her. I also asked for Chris's side of the story but he said "You were awful, I was in a headlock and then he was born" so magic all round. In all seriousness if I had known how much worse it could get with Oscar I might not have complained as much but I havent got round to writing that...something to look forward to!

Bet K-Mid looked this crap...not!

Happy Birthday to my best big boy Archie love you to the moon and back.
Mammy x

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